The Beginner’s Guide To Avoidant Attachment Theory

One of the most important aspects of every relationship is your attachment style. In simple terms, an attachment style is determined by your early experiences and how those affect your mental health, friendships, and romantic relationships.

According to theory, there are four attachment styles:

1. Secure: More likely to have stable and harmonious relationships
2. Anxious: Likely to feel worried and preoccupied with their relationships
3. Dismissing: Need lots of independence and emotional space (not very affectionate)
4. Fearful: A combination of anxious and dismissing attachments

You can better understand these attachment styles by looking at a graph that represents avoidance and anxiety. Secure is low avoidance, low anxiety. Anxious is high anxiety, low avoidance. Dismissive is low anxiety, high avoidance. And fearful is high anxiety, high avoidance.

Some of the most common signs of avoidant attachment in relationships include challenges with approaching or resolving conflict, emotional unavailability, appearing aloof or disinterested, and feeling suffocated around your partner.

How Does Someone Develop Avoidant Attachment?

One of the most common reasons for one’s attachment style is their upbringing. Growing up in an emotionally unavailable family might result in avoidant attachment. Which explains why many people with avoidant attachments struggle to talk about sex, parenting, communication, and their emotions in relationships.

If you or your partner struggle with avoidant attachment, it’s important to address it to avoid straining your relationship.

How To Manage Avoidant Attachment?

• Raising Awareness: Understanding our partner’s or our own avoidant tendencies will help you figure out when either of you needs affection, space, validation, or acknowledgment.
• Open Communication: Couples should strive for honest communication. When this is practiced, avoidant individuals will be more likely to speak up.
• Personal Space: Prioritize your personal space or your partner’s by supporting them from a distance and granting them an “out” from commitments or social gatherings.
• Relationship Training: If you and your partner are struggling with the same issues, time and time again, it might be helpful to see a relationship expert or seek the help of a relationship app.

Avoidant attachment can be managed with self-motivation and assistance from your loved ones, a therapist, a relationship coach, or a self-help relationship app such as Relish. This particular app is based on attachment theory and provides a number of lesson plans and quizzes for those struggling with avoidance and anxiety. All with the purpose of helping you fill the gaps in your relationship.